In today’s Scott’s rant:

• the US & EU Power Structure
• How ‘Obscure’ US Bureaucrats Foment Wars
• How the myth of American “exceptionalism” is perpetuated
• Is allocation of Developed vs Developing permanent?
• What the fate of Russian teenagers of the “Young Guards” at the hands of Germans in 1943 has to do with the Islamisation of Europe in 2016?
• The West had a perfect plan, until Russia interfered and everything went horribly wrong
• Humor and Rumor

The US power structure: Pay Up or Die

The Western media steadfastly refers to Russia as having a “vertical power structure.” One of those make belief statements that is design to make people feel somewhat uncomfortable in regards to Russia. I imagine the power structure in Russia being more like a tree, with roots, branches, and leaves.
I did some research to find how the Western experts see the Western power structure. Remarkably, I couldn’t find anything at all. Malcolm X said that there was a revolution against the US power structure. The guy from the World Bank claims that the Western power structure has collapsed. But, no one says what this structure looks like. Is it vertical, horizontal, pyramid-like, spiral?

I think it’s vital for non-Western countries to understand what the Western [US, EU] power structure is, in order to successfully confront it.

Those of you, our esteemed readers, who went to high school, might be familiar with the Periodic System of Elements. A hefty chart that shows nothing in nature is random. I had an epiphany in fifth grade, upon examining the periodic system, because it became the most important and undeniable proof of the existence of God. Because underneath it all there are no place for randomness and chaos, but only for logic and structure. Needles to say I love charts.

Those of you who are familiar with the Periodic System, unless you graduated from a school in Russia, most likely have never heard about Dmitry Mendeleev, who formulated this system. It came to him in a dream.

Nothing useful has ever come to me in dreams, but recently I had a revelation of sorts.

It’s cliché for the Western media to describe the Russian state power structure as “vertical.” As with any cliché, this notion has never gets challenged or even questioned.

On the other hand, I could never find a geometric description of the American power structure for the notable exception of three government branches, which of course are not an actual power structure of American state. Far from it.

I was talking to someone looking to make a living in the arts, and I suggested to get any job paid or nonpaid with any arts-related nonprofit. “You have to get inside this bubble,” I said. “They circulate funds inside these bubbles and you have to be an insider to get a piece of the action.” And just like that I discovered the American power-structure.

The American power structure is like foam, it has frothy structure. It consists of a huge number of bubbles, big and small, that construct a self duplicating, multiplying division of bubbly structures. Every bubble has one objective which is to absorb as much money as it can. The bigger the bubble, the more sucking power it has, and the more money it absorbs. The largest known bubbles are the Federal Reserve bank, the US government budget, and the NATO budget. There are multiple bubbles of the think tanks, universities, media platforms, NGOs, and so on.

These bubbles are a semi-living organisms; they are able to multiply by division. The bubbles are sticky: they attach themselves to anything with value and they suck this value from the valuable subjects and into themselves. The bubbles are semi-intelligent: when the source of the money dries up, these bubbles are capable of detaching and moving on to greener pastures, without drying up and disappearing. The bubbles of the Western power are also corrosive and poisonous, they suck up value and destroy their subjects simultaneously, be it forests, industries, companies, nations, cultures, or whole countries and continents. They use their toxicity to corrode and destroy other power structures, other cultures, other financial systems. Toxicity takes the form of propaganda and disinformation to degrade, diminish and soften the subjects of their aggression and to render their defenses useless. Just like spiders that inject poison into their victims’ blood streams, causing massive collapse of the inner systems.

Froth develops from shaking, stirring up, and destabilizing. Just try to get bubbles in your own bathtub, and you will understand what I mean. When an American general says that “Russia is an existential threat to our existence,” he literally means the existence of the bubble that he is feeding upon. Russia wants to reduce the destabilization of the world, while the West needs further and further destabilization, to shake money down from this money tree (or bubble.)

How ‘Obscure’ US Bureaucrats Foment Wars” Given the US’s vast power even relatively minor and unknown officials can – and do – cause enormous damage, chaos and war.

Just read what these two creeps have to say:
In the nuclear age, guarding the homeland from an unlimited counterstroke is about more than merely preventing invasion. Forestalling nuclear escalation means keeping the scope and duration of combat operations low enough—and thus unprovocative enough—that Beijing would not countenance using doomsday weapons to get its way. It is important, then, for Washington to limit its efforts through the type and amount of force deployed, staying below the nuclear threshold. American strategists’ goal should be to design operations that insert “disposal” forces….to support allies while making life difficult for China’s People’s Liberation Army (PLA)” (Asymmetric Warfare, American Style, Toshi Yoshihara and James R. Holmes, US Naval Institute)

Is allocation of Developed vs Developing permanent?

Over the years I could never find a clear rational answer of why some countries are named “developed” countries, and why all other countries on earth including China (the biggest economy in the world) and Russia ( the biggest country in the world) are called “developing.” Why is this allocation permanent? Why no new members have been assigned to the “developed countries” club?
This chart visualizing the world’s “hot” money is an answer

The cumulative amount of this “hot money” coming out of developing countries totaled just over $7.8 trillion between 2004 and 2013. On an annual basis, it breached the $1 trillion mark each of the last three years of data available, which is good for a growth rate of 6.5% rate annually.

The developed countries are permanent recipients of the “hot” capital coming from developing countries.

The developing countries are permanent donors of the capital.

Essentially, the developing countries are called so because they are “developing” rich Western countries who just happened to be the NATO members. “Developed” country called “developed” because they are being “developed” by the developing countries. NATO is a military arm of the developed countries’ financial system that militarily intimidate and pressures non-members into paying ransom to “developed” countries.

In the zerohedge article the estimation of what non-NATO countries are paying to NATO countries at about 6.5% of the annual GDP. In the case of Russia, paying over $1 trillion to the West for over ten years, the country surrenders 6.5% of its GDP. It means that when the Western rating agencies estimate Russian economic growth being at 2%, it’s actually was at 8%; in 2015 they say Russian economic growth has been at -2%. When in reality it was about 4%.

The same can be said about the Latin American countries, African countries and China.

I consider this chart being one of the most important when it comes to the understanding of economic and military dynamics in the world. The other chart is the petrodollar chart.

Finance Ministry expects Russia’s capital outflow to be $60 bln at 2015 year-end

The bubbles of the Western power structure can be huge, like military and education complexes, and pension funds, or they can tiny like a troll sitting somewhere in a small Ukrainian town writing hate-Russia posts on Twitter and getting paid by one of those NGO bubbles, that in turn have attached themselves to a gas pipe going via Ukraine and taking a chunk of the cuts from reselling the Russian gas. If Russian gas will go via Nord Stream 2, this NGO bubbles will get depleted. Logically, they pay a little to many trolls to prevent Gasprom from redirecting the gas away from Ukraine.

The delightful account of the battles around the Russian gas and Russian money and Ukraine has been recently given by Mark Nesop, The Kremlin Stooge.

You simply cannot afford not to read it.

There are much bigger bubbles, controlling not just industries, but regions of the world, like the US military complex. They project their power via tremendous quantity of bubbles spread all over the world, like the bubble of NATO, the bubble of ISIS, and the various think tank bubbles, like the Brookings institute. The think tanks and the military complex are having a symbiotic relationships; they absorb funds coming to the military complex coming from other countries by softening their intended victims via nonstop war of disinformation.

For example, on December 4th, 2015, the Brookings institution Saban forum 2015
held a talk with Moshe Ya’alon, Israel’s minister of defense titled: Israel and the United States: yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Israeli DM Moshe Ya’alon complained that Obama has now yielded the Middle East to Putin: “Unfortunately, in the current situation, Russia is playing a more significant role than the United States. He says that “Russia has come down [to the ME] so strongly with Iran and Bashar al-Assad.”

Putin’s unexpected intervention in Syria “has created an emergency situation for us”: (1) he is saving Assad, and (2) weakening Daesh, thereby (3) making it impossible to break Syria up as planned; and worst of all (4) he has given Teheran the S-300 system, which will be “operational in a couple of weeks”.
Very bad news for Israel’s security, for Ya’alon insists, Iran is much more dangerous for us than Daesh. However, all is not lost yet, there is still a window of opportunity, but we must hurry and use it: the US must orchestrate “a pragmatic coalition with the Gulf states,” – a Sunni axis to counter this Russian-supported Shia axis.

That’s the opportunity to seize, Ya’alon says. But speed is of the essence, for allies flock to Putin: “We don’t like the fact that King Abdullah of Jordan is going to Moscow, the Egyptians are going to Moscow, the Saudis are going to Moscow. It should have been very different. And we believe the United States can’t sit on the fence.” (P. 9 of the transcript:)

If you went to the Saban forum site, you might have noticed in the upper corner Hilary giving a keynote speech. She is a bubble, who attached herself to the side of the much larger bubble which is the US Federal government. She and her husband also own a nonprofit political think tank that attaches itself to the government and budgets and military and companies, who like Cisco and Saudis, funnel money towards the Clintons’ organization.

Also, don’t forget that the Western money, dollar and euro, are the electronically issued bubbles.

To be able to extract resources from the “developing” countries without blame, the West developed a veneer of superiority over those lesser nations whose only reason for existence is to work and support the ‘exceptionals.”

How the myth of an American “exceptionalism” is perpetuated

One simple illustration: an article about Russia’s military aviation with an image of the Russian long range bomber TU-160.
In comments we find a remark of an American about the Russian bomber: “Nice knockoff of the B-1 Lancer.
The fact is that the Tu-160 design was established 1972-3. Tu-160 is also significantly bigger than B-1, and has much better performances too. The B1 was established in 1973-4. It’s clear that the design of the American plain was stolen from the USSR, and not the other way around.

The Western ruling classes have always telegraphed their intentions…no matter how insane they might be.

Look up your history and you will see it’s been going on for centuries.

Brzezinski’s ideas are just recycled from Mackinder who recycled those from Napoleon.

We have always been at war with Eurasia.

Probably the best statistical graphic ever drawn, is this map by Charles Joseph Minard portrays the losses suffered by Napoleon’s army in the Russian campaign of 1812. Beginning at the Polish-Russian border, the thick band shows the size of the army at each position. The path of Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow in the bitterly cold winter is depicted by the dark lower band, which is tied to temperature and time scales.

Also, look at the death toll from diseases above the death toll from wounds in the Crimean War.

On 28 March 1854 Britain and France declared war on Russia, and for the next two years British, French, Sardinian, and Turkish troops had invaded Russia, and fought against Russians in Crimea. The loss of life in the war was colossal; of 1 650 000 soldiers who began the war (of all nations), 900,000 died.

An example of how history is being re-written in every single possible way in order to soften their target (Russia) on the way of transferring as much resources from Russia to the West as possible.

Look at the illustration for the article about the Crimean War of 1854-1855 when Russia was attacked by Turkey, and its allies England, Prussia, and Austria. The illustration made in blue and yellow, in the colors of Ukraine which is a new state that came to the existence in 1991. There was no Ukraine, neither as a part of Russian Empire, no as an independent state in 1854. However, on this illustration for the Crimean war, you don’t see Russia depicted anywhere. Instead, we see the word “Ukraine.”

Map of Crimea with locations of battles marked.

How can we trust even a word written in the articles on this website, if we have just found a clear attempt of history re-writing and re-coding?

Upon looking into the publisher of the Crimean war article, an NGO called Understanding Uncertainty, we discover that the organization, which is a small bubble, has been attached to a larger bubble, called the University of Cambridge.

Domain and the pseudo-historical overtures published here belong to the University of Cambridge , England, Coton. IP Address 131.111.16.181 – along with cambridgecoincidences.org egmo2012.org.uk maths.org

Aha, we say… The University of Cambridge, an institution of higher learning, is engaged in malicious, willful lies, disinformation and misinformation concerning the history and geography. Interesting…

The article in question has been submitted by an anonymous in ims25 on Tue, 07/10/2008.
Science Team: The public view of uncertainty

Upon researching a bit more, we can find that the Science Team of the Understanding Uncertainty organization is a group receiving financial backing from the UK government and military, including grant for risk communication from Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council [gow.epsrc.ac.uk] The Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC) is the UK’s main agency for funding research in engineering and the physical sciences. According to gov.uk – The Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC) is the main UK government agency for funding research and training in engineering .

Understanding Uncertainty is an organization that exist inside the Cambridge University bubble, and is directly funded by the United Kingdom government.

Place this organization in Russia, and the West would say that “Understanding Uncertainty” is directly funded by the “Putin’s regime” and that’s why it cannot be taken into consideration at all.

You can see here how the large money sucking bubble, which is the Cambridge University creates smaller bubbles inside itself to multiply the dimensions of its “funds sucking” surfaces on the input. On the output, the general public gets injections of disinformation that is re-writing history, geography, and the image of the world in general. There is no sense at all to judge the quality of education, presented by the Cambridge University. The fact that this institution is teaching the generations of students junk science and invented facts, should be enough for any reasonable person to reject their “teachings.”

Considering that Davis Spiegelhalter is a “leading statistician” of the UK and Winton Professor of the Public Understanding of Risk in the Statistical Laboratory, I would like to ask him a question:

What is the statistical probability that the Crimean peninsula, which had been a part of Russia since the seventeenth century, is shown by his team in the middle of the nineteenth century as being a part of “Ukraine” a country that came into full existence in 1991? Considering that administrative authorities of Crimea were transferred from the Russian Soviet republic and granted to Ukraine Soviet Republic by a personal decision of the Communist party leader Khruchov in violation of the country’s laws in 1956 inside the same country of the USSR?

And, in concern to the “public risk” that he is so carefully studies: what are the risks for a professor of the Churchill College, Cambridge, to cook up and publish on college online property the blatant distortion of both geography and history simultaneously?

What the fate of Russian teenagers of the “Young Guards” at the hands of Germans in 1943 has to do with the Islamization of Europe in 2016?

Anniversary of the execution of the members of the “The Young Guards” in Donbass by German occupants and local collaborators. The German soldiers and local fascists ripped these children apart alive. The tortures that these children were subjected defines any description. Their alleged crimes? They spread leaflets with calls to resist the German occupation, and raised up a red banner over the town hall building. They also ambushed a so called “Labor Stock,” which was a prison with thousands of people trapped to be sent to Germany to death camps and labor camps. The fire distracted the soldiers surrounding the building, while the
Young Guards let people to escape. They were kids from the working class families. They all were good students in high schools, and some of them even had some time before the war to go to college. After being betrayed by the local Ukrainian nationalists and arrested, 49 members of “The Young Guards” and 22 members of the local chapter of the Communist party, were tortured and executed, some by hanging, others, by being pushed still alive down a frozen mine shaft and throwing heavy coal miners carts on the top of them. People had heard voices coming from the depth of this mine for several days. When people came to collect their bodies, the description of damages they sustained made volumes: all bones in their bodies were broken including their skulls, their eyes and nails ripped out, their teeth pulled put, their bodies were black from hematomas and bruising, some of them had their fingers, hands and feet cut.

This what a historian Andrey Vedyaev writes: “The Young Guard: Those who Defeated death.

“In those frosty days of January 1943 in Dobass snowy Lugansk region town Krasnodon a terrible tragedy had been unfolding: a swarm of German invaders and their accomplices from among the former “Russians” were ripping apart several arrested members of the underground Komsomol organization “The Young Guards,” many of whom had not turned 19 years old. The completely inadequate brutality shown by the soldiers of a “new order” is forcing us today to ponder the nature of Western “civilization,” which is based on the colonial structure of the world with the aim of uncontrolled access to its natural resources, division of people into masters and slaves, with all the ensuing the most subtle methods of suppressing the freedom and independence of the latter. That was in the time of Spartacus, during the Anglo-Boer war, the Nazi occupation – and so it continues in our time, when the bloody Kiev junta is trying to put on the knees resistance of Donbass.”

Today we witness the same unspeakable cruelty of children and grandchildren of the Europen NATO occupiers and their Ukrainian collaborators towards the people of Donbas. Nothing has changed. No one has changed. Only now, the Europeans can’t hide behind Hitler and cannot blame the Third Reich’s oppressive apparatus for making them act like monsters.. Back in the day, when the Red Army came to Berlin, Nazis disappeared, and everyone in Germany turned into a victim of fascism. And no shadow could even touch such shiny beacons of self imposed victimhood like Finland, and Bulgaria, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, all where Germany’s allies. For decades the Soviet Union was covering up and protecting the population from truth, for the peace and cooperation between nations. Not anymore. The third Reich is gone. The Soviet Union may rest in peace. Today, we see the Europeans as they are: pure monsters. There are no ideological covers, nothing they can come up to justify their behavior. It’s just pure animal visceral hate towards Russian people and desire to destroy and to take what the Russians have.

It gives us, the Russians, a clear understanding of what should we expect if the Europeans and Americans would ever have a chance to invade Russia again: tortured and ripped apart just like people in occupied by Ukraine and NATO Novorossia.

I found it farcical when the same people who with the European impunity acting in Donbass killing Russian children, and hanging Russian pregnant women, and pulling barbwire through kidnapped Russian men’s colons, at home stand haplessly and can’t “defend” their own women in their own highly fortified German cities from the crowds of “Arabs.”

I am not alone in this assessment.The one thing they really seem to believe is that the rest of the human race must behave with perfect chivalry to the German people, whatever the German people might have done. Germans are free to level cities and massacre whole populations by gunfire, gas and hunger, but if Germany loses the victors must not entertain any question of reparation or collective punishment! Oh no, the German people must be spared any kind of suffering, their surviving soldiers must be allowed to go back to their undamaged homes and back to work in their undamaged factories, so that Germany stays pristine and prepared for her next savage onslaught against the peoples of the East.

I have a very good idea who opened the refugee camps in Turkey and initiated the great migration of people to Europe and why. It was done initially, to facilitate fear and resentment amongst Europeans and to make them demand their politicians and the EU regime to interfere in Syria and put the end to Assad ASAP. In summer 2015 everything started so smoothly and organized and camera friendly. In seems that the plan was for NATO to attack Damask, to capture, torture and kill the legitimate Syrian government in the best Europen traditions, and to place the US person in Damask to supervise the division of the country, the spread of Caliphate, blah, blah, blah. And the last, but not least, to return the majority of the refugees back to Turkey. That’s why we have seen so many young single men. they got paid to go to Europe, to stay there for a little while and then to come back. Fun trip, all expenses paid. Looks like they also were promised as much sex as they could get, with impunity and with the Police indifference.

Then, of cause, Russia interfered and everything went horribly wrong.

I truly doubt that Merkel wants to destroy Germany, she is not Poroshenko, she is not being paid to do that. I think that she agreed to a very sleek deal like I described prior. Everything was so well calculated. Nothing could go wrong. besides, of course Russia, Iran, China and some others putting a kabash to such sweet party. A million of young angry Muslim men getting stuck in Europe, and being told by Saudis that Europeans have to obey them. Because, that’s what the deal with Saudis, wasn’t it? Oh, irony.

Anything to stop buying gas from evil Russia.

I completely disagree with the Andrew Korybko who named alleged actions of alleged migrants [new information is that some of the detained are Europeans, one is from Serbia, and one is American] from the Middle East in Europe as “Sexual terrorism.”

To me it looks like a good old United State’s PSYOP.

However, is it was indeed driven by the physiological need, then it wasn’t an act of terror, either.

Just like from the point of view of the Germans and other European nations who came to Russia in 1941, it was justifiable to torture and execute Russian teenagers, by the power invested in them by their governments; so, from the point of view of the Arabs, it’s justifiable to demand sex from the European women, by the power of their upbringing, religion and sheer virility.

From the point of view of the young angry Muslim men who had never in their lives had sex with real women, that it’s not terrorism, it’s entertainment. The European women should learn to like it. If they enjoy killing Russians in Ukraine, and Syrians in Syria, why can’t they learn to like sexual advancements of the young Arabs?

If Europeans and Americans stay away from the Middle East, Russia and its allies will gradually pacify the region as Russia has done for centuries, without much blood and atrocities, and China, Iran and India will start rebuilding the region. The migration pressure on Europe will be lifted. Angry young Muslim men will go home, and those who stay will mingle with the locals.

If, on the other hand, Europeans and Americans decide to stay and to “win” in the Middle East, help Turkey to destabilize Ukraine, and Azerbaijan, and Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan. If Turkey and Azerbaijan attacks Armenia again, the US places Daesh in Iraq and Afghanistan, and support Saudis in attacking Iran? In this scenario, the frontline that European try to draw through the South of Russia, will be redrawn through Warsaw, Berlin, Paris and London with millions more angry young men coming to Europe in search of entertainment.

In any way, quoting someone’ comments in the Russian publication Zavtra for the material about the Germany’s suffering from refugees: “We have no tears for Europe. We cry out all our tears in May 2014, [when the EU’ junta burned people alive in Odessa and Mariupol, and bombed Donetsk, and Lugansk.] But we watch with a great interest how the Europeans deal with people whose homecountries they have destroyed. “

And, another quote: “We, Russians, don’t care who wins in Europe, European nationalists or Islamists, both are our enemies. We will wait until one side wins, and then we will deal with the winner.

FYI: In 1944, the Great Britain and the U.S. agreed to divide Germany into several parts, to de-industrialize the country, and to reorient the population into agriculture. It called the “Morgenthau Plan.”

How the modern Germans understand the “Morgenthau Plan?” Forget about the US Chiefs of Staff and Eisenhower, who authorized the plan. In modern Germany they “know” that it was Soviets who did it.

Just like today they say that it’s Russia that bring Arabs to Europe. Just like Lucy Ash, releasing on BBC a 30 minutes video, right before the May 9th Victory celebration in Russia, claiming that German women en mass were “raped by the Soviet Soldiers.”

Needless to say that what Lucy Ash professes is a lie and disinformation.

For anyone who wants to know the truth, there is a book: When the Soldiers Came — the rape of German women at the end of the Second World War

«Когда пришли солдаты»

“The book written by German Professor Miriam Gebhardt “When the soldiers came” has caused a shock in Europe. A German Professor has debunked the myth of the “atrocities” of the Red Army: the Germans were massively raped by the Anglo-Saxons.”

Ad also, “The study, based on the study of wartime archives not only in France but in the U.S., helped to identify the fact that violence and satisfaction of physiological needs were the main methods used by the American military to “establish their authority over the French”.”

Compare this to the following: The Directive of the Supreme command commander of troops and members of military councils of the 1st Belorussian and 1st Ukrainian Fronts about the change of attitude towards German prisoners and civilian population

“Officers and soldiers! We are going into the country of the enemy. Each must keep self-control. Everyone must be brave…the Remaining population in the conquered areas, regardless of whether German, Czech or Pole, should not be subjected to violence. The guilty will be punished according to the laws of wartime. On the conquered territory sexual relations with the females is prohibited. For violence and rape, the perpetrators will be shot.”

Lucy Ash has committed one of the biggest information terror acts in the modern history by claiming the “criminality” if Russia’s army. She has done so by using BBC, a Cameron’s regime funded and the British government owned information platform. Essentially, Lucy Ash is a transmitter for the UK government propaganda. Remember, I started describing the US and EU power structure as bubbles. BBC is a bubble that is tightly adjoined to the UK government budget bubble, and Lucy Ash is attached to the side of this enormous bubble with many others like her absorbing some of those funds. To receive funds, these people have to inject certain amount of poison into the atmosphere inside and around the bubbles to keep them inflated. If there is no poison, the bubbles will collapse. Just like they collapse and wither everywhere where people reject their activities, like in Russia or China.

Lucy Ash has committed one of the biggest information terror acts in the modern history. Has she been investigated, prosecuted, publicly whipped, and hopefully, hanged, for her spreading hatred towards the neighboring nation and abusing the exact people who suffered the most from the WWII? No, not yet. She happily lives in London with her husband; both are into “arts.”

What I am trying to say here is that what Arabs allegedly
do in Europe is a mild version of what Germans did in Russia and Americans did in Germany and France. Arabs are not worse than Europeans, and not any more barbaric than Europeans and Americans or anyone else. Get used to them, Europe. They are your future.

 

Humor and Rumors

Rumors across the Russian blogosphere
• Some persons that had been murdered in Libya might not be as dead, as it is commonly believed
• Some Novorossia legends might have never died after all

Humor from the Russian blogosphere

1. During the summertime, the quantity of the anti-Russian experts in the blogosphere sharply goes down. Most of them go visit their grandparents.

2. You have 300 Facebook friends. 80 of them come to your wedding. 10 show up for your birthday. When you have a problem, you have two friends: your parents.

3. – Ahmed, why is your wife walking in front of you? Did you forget that according to the Quran, a wife has to always walk behind her husband?
– Darling, I know what Quran says. But when they wrote it, they had not invented anti-personnel mines, yet.

4. Headline: Woman arrested in Wal-Mart, while sitting in a shopping cart and eating grilled chicken and drinking wine.

5. – Did you hear the news? Moishe opened a new jewelry store on Deribasovskaya?
– So?
– Nothing much… He tripped an alarm and cops took him in.

6. – My mother-in-law is an angel.
– Lucky you… My mother-in-law is still alive.

7. If a man enters restroom wearing a tie and a jacket, and leaves the restroom with no tie and rolled up sleeves, it means that something went terribly wrong.

8. – “Hey, Red Riding Hood, where are you going with the big bag?” Asked the Big Bad Wolf.
– “… I shouldn’t have shaved today,” – realized Santa.

9. – I’m explaining them the same subject ten times, but they just sit there and stare at me with glassy eyes. They don’t understand, and they don’t want to make any effort to understand.
– Are you a teacher?
– No, I am a bartender.

10. Got a text message from my husband: “You pancakes are so dry. I could only eat two of them.” I am sitting here and thinking: I have got paper plates with pancakes pictures on them. Should I tell him, or not?

11. Congratulation! You won a free year long placement on a no-fly list.

12. All my problem could be easily solved with simple one million dollars.

13. Do you want coffee with cognac or without?
– Without.
– Without cognac?
– Without coffee.

14. I hate it when beggars shake their cups with change. Yes, I know that they have more money than me. Why do they have to rub it in my face?

15. A burglar breaks into a house and finds a parrot inside.
“Kesha sees you,” says the Parrot.
Burglar covers the bird’s cage with a towel.
“Kesha is not a parrot, Kesha is a rottweiler,” says the Parrot.

16. Moscow Exile says:
January 8, 2016 at 6:00 am
“Remember this place?
It’s that place the Western media constantly mocked as Putin’s crazy choice to hold the Winter Olympics of last year. (Putin decides on everything here, see.)
Remember — a bloody stupid place in the tropics?

and those people are impoverished Russians who are now forced to eat beaver and hedgehog because of Putin.
They’re ready to rise against him, I tell you, when they see the light this year …
Bloody miserable wretches!
But don’t pity them too much! Remember, they’re Russians — not nice cultured westerners…”

The Essential Saker: from the trenches of the emerging multipolar world