Translated and subtitled by Scott Humor

It seems that the main function of British diplomacy is to entertain the Russians, while trying to hang all the dogs in the “Skripals case” on the GRU.  The last attempt caused an explosion of violent and offensive mockery in social media.

Every time we think that London has reached the bottom in its “Skripals case,” new abyss opens below. Have you seen a fresh abyss that just opened when Britain stated that it knows who the suspects are in the “poisoning” of the British spy and his daughter?

Quoting the Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Maria Zakharova.

“The Russian Foreign Ministry has requested that the British ambassador to Moscow provide fingerprints of men that London called suspects in the Skripal case and connected them to Russia,” the diplomat informed. “The British ambassador stated that the British side would not provide these materials.”

But the British side provided photos of these “Putin’s agents.” Here they are.

Yes, the comparison with the real photo requirements for a British visa application is impressive. After all, if these people are really Russians who have entered London, then Scotland Yard should have their normal photos, as well as everything else, including biometric data.

The quality of provided images caught attention of our compatriots. They showed it in their usual way – through trolling.

Have you seen these masterpieces?


Our people also got very interested in images posted on the official Scotland Yard’s website. I mean the screenshots from surveillance cameras.

“Are you sure that those are the GRU agents! Could that be the agents of the Matrix – Mr. and Mr. Smith, or maybe, Comrade and Comrade Kuznetsov?”

“Same place, same time. I understand, Putin is omnipotent, but to command time? Isn’t it too much even for him?”

In addition, it turned out that the jokes about the “Red Heat” movie are not really jokes, because the photos of the “suspects” are surprisingly like the actors who played “Russian mafia” in the same old-school film with Schwarzenegger.

The bloggers also came up with a logical explanation of why the British refused to provide suspects’ biometric data. Word to the sarcastic Ruslan Karmanov.

“Indeed, if these people entered the UK and left – London has their fingerprints. Without a doubt. As all other data.

But it is obvious that the transition to the specifics will immediately kill all the declared constructions. The people in the photo will become the first and last names, specific dates of arrival and specific routes of travel, and the version of “Two anonymous Ivans came, poisoned everyone and left” won’t go smoothly.”

Another characteristic detail of this story is a bottle, presented to the public, a bottle that “Putin’s agents” allegedly used to store “Novichok.”

“A bottle of perfume Premier Jour with nerve agent, which in June injured two residents of Amesbury, was a fake, as reported by the British police, citing a representative of the perfume brand Nina Ricci.

It is noted that the bottle with a nozzle was specially adapted for spraying poison, the box of perfume is also a fake of the famous brand.”

As above mentioned Karmanov duly noted, “Dumb and dumber” turned out to be a documentary. For example, if the bottle really contained poison. Imagine yourself in the Russian special service’ shoes. We live in XXI century, the borders are open, you can freely buy any perfume, pour the content out, and refill with poison. Why to make a fake bottle, let alone a fake box?

To fake those items could only be an idea of a gentleman, with the Western patent law tightly stitched to his forehead.

“No, wait! What if the Skripals sue the brand Nina Ricci, owned by some respected people, and what if they win the lawsuit? We cannot do that. It is not good for the gentlemen to set up some respected people like that, and therefore let’s make a fake bottle and box. Let’s say that the Russians made it. They live behind the “iron curtain”, they can’t buy perfume anywhere.”

In general, we can compare those who invented this story with inspector Lestrade, cheered by Sherlock Holmes for his stupidity, not to giants like Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple.

James Bonds have degenerated. They should stick to movies.

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